My story
A little about me I grew up in northern Utah. I even got the chance to live in Portland Oregon and California a few times.

Because I had the “privilege” of living in so many places I didn’t get to go to school a lot. What I remember the most is the kids. Not because we were friends, but because they were mean they would call me names and try to beat me up for no reason except because I was blond and blue eyes.

I know I never went a whole year at one school.  Every time I started a new school the kids were always the same mean kids. I think they followed me. I would fake being sick just so I didn’t have to go to school.

I really started to not like myself because kids would call me names like flea bag because I didn’t I brush my hair.  I didn’t wear the somethings other kids did we didn’t have money for nice clothes but we had clothes.  My dad just didn’t work so that made it hard.

I remember one time I seven years old me and a friend went to the store for my mom. We were on are way back and a colored girl come up to me and said I called her a name and I didn’t even know her. She told my friend to take the sack of groceries. I had told him no, but she said that she would beat him up too if he didn’t, so he took them and then she pushed me and kicked me right in the face. I don’t remember much after that except that I really hated myself.

I kept thinking what is wrong with me that kids don’t like me.  I must not be pretty and I don’t have money…. I really just didn’t have and confidence in myself. Why didn’t kids like me?

As I got older and in the 6th grade again a colored girl wanted to beat me up. We lived in California this time I started to have bad feeling I was scared of kids with different skin color.

I really hated school. So even in the 7th grade I had no friends. And around this age things were just not right in my family. I was being abused sexually. The feelings got worse. What was wrong with me why me? I really didn’t like myself.

And by the 9th grade I was pregnant. I was pregnant at 15. I was happy I could drop out of school. No more mean people.

I started dating my husband when my daughter was 2 months old. We dated for a few months and he broke up with me.  and then we would get back together again then he would broke up with me again still think what is wrong with me, I think we must have broke up at least 6 times. I loved him so much that I couldn’t let go’

When we were dating he told me if i got as big as my mom he would leave me.again.  what is wrong with me. At the time i probably weighed about 120 pounds. So you can see how i just couldn’t find a ways to love myself. Sometimes you say things you can’t take back. But you can make it right. We married 36 next month.

Around age 23 is when my DESIRE came to change and to have something better. I had somethings happen that i just felt so good about and change my outlook on things.